A short remark on love: Everyone has their “Shining Armor”

A Reflection from The Knight in Shining Armor (in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray)  

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“Deep inside every man, there is a hero or a knight in shining armor. More than anything, he wants to succeed in serving and protecting the woman he loves. When he feels trusted, he is able to tap into his noble part of himself. He becomes more caring. When he doesn’t feel trusted, he loses some of his aliveness and energy, and after a while he can stop caring.

Imagine a knight in shining armor traveling through the countryside. Suddenly he hears a woman crying out in distress. He comes alive, races to her castle, where she is trapped by a dragon. The noble knight pulls out his sword and slays the dragon. As a result, he is lovingly received by the princess. As the gates open, he is welcomed and celebrated by the family of the princess and the townspeople. He is invited to live in town and is acknowledged as a hero. He and the princess fall in love.

A month later, the noble knight goes off on another trip. On his way back, he heard his beloved princess crying out for help. Another dragon attacked the castle and so as he arrived, he pulls out his sword to slay the dragon.

Before he swings, the princess cries out from the tower, “Don’t use your sword, use this noose. It will work better.” She throws him the noose and motions to him instructions about how to use it. In the end, the dragon dies and everyone rejoices. At the celebration dinner, the knight feels he didn’t do anything. Somehow, because he used her noose and didn’t use his sword, he doesn’t quite feel worthy of the town’s trust and admiration. After the event, he is slightly depressed and forgets to shine his armor.

A month later he goes on yet another trip. As he leaves with his sword, the princess reminds him to be careful and tells him to take the noose. On his way home, he sees yet another dragon attacking the castle. This time he rushes forward with his sword but hesitates, thinking maybe he should use the noose. In that moment of hesitation, the dragon breathes fire and burns his right arm. In confusion he looks up and sees his princess waving from the castle window.

                “Use the poison,” she yells. “The noose doesn’t work.”

She throws him the poison, which he pours into the dragon’s mouth, and the dragon dies. Everyone rejoices and celebrates, but the knight feels ashamed. A month later, he goes on another trip. As he leaves his sword, the princess reminds him to be careful, and to bring the noose and the poison He is annoyed by her suggestions but brings them just in case.

This time on his journey, he hears another woman in distress. As he rushes to her call, his depression is lifted and he feels confident and alive. But as he draws his sword to slay the dragon, he again hesitates. He wonders, Should I use my sword, the noose, or the poison? What would the princess say?

For a moment, he is confused. But then he remembers how he had felt back in the days when he only carried a sword. With a burse of renewed confidence, he throws off the noose and poison and charges the dragon with his trusted sword. He slays the dragon and the townspeople rejoice.

The knight in the shining armor never returned to his princess. He stayed in this new village and lived happily ever after. He eventually married, but only after making sure his new partner knew nothing about nooses and poisons.” 

This particular piece in the book won my attention to an extent that I decided to observe further. At first, I took the story literally as if all humans in nature should think and react so. As I saw it that way, negativity was the first belief that echoed in my mind. Why would the knight overreact and whisk away just because the princess introduced him to other alternatives? Did he really think he is the best? Who does he think he is? The poison or the noose could have been a better solution to slay the dragon!

In this context, I implied two misconceptions. First, I did not take into account that it was a book on relationships and second, I took the perspective of the princess solely. If this was a book on human potential elevation and ultimate problem-solving then yes, the knight should have considered the princess’ advice since it could have been a better solution. Just like students and humans in general, one should never stop learning and developing.

But let’s say that “sword” represents “strengths” and he is an intelligent knight. In a literal way, intelligence is the sword. His people and family might consider his intelligence as a strength but it might be considered as a threat by his competitors and the princess, who thinks she is much smarter. Well, this reminds us that in life, we cannot and will not please everybody no matter what. No matter how good and noble our actions are, there is always someone out there who thinks it is a turn off.

Then maybe, that is what happens in love, perhaps. The sword itself is proven to be qualified enough to defy the dragon. If the significant other does not even approve one’s sword, underrate and try to mess it around instead, is it really worth sacrificing the sword? In that case, the knight, whose pride lies on his sword, might think that the princess is not worth it and she is just abusing his self-assurance. Especially, another woman out there is proud of his sword (for who he is). We can just keep in mind that chances are still out there that might be another knight who possesses a noose or poison (which poses as a shining armor for him) and suits the princess better.

On another note, I still believe that as humans, potentials and opportunities are worth exploring. Moreover, if you are truly fond of someone, then you might want the best for him/her and improve yourself. This makes me think that maybe the knight, after living with the other woman, starts to explore more on nooses and poisons just in case something worse is yet to come. However, there are things that you cannot neglect such as your shining armor. No matter what or who you love, your strengths deserve to be acknowledged by people (especially by the people that matters to you) instead of letting them make you think that you are worthless.

I believe that I learned an important lesson here. In the context of love and relationships, it is probably hard to change someone. Love and experience may be the things that shape who we are today (example: The experience of being taught by a teacher, the experience of failing, the experience when you feel inspired, etc). Thus, we should accept and love people for who they are. If there is a saying “accept them for who they are,” then I am starting to believe that it is kinda true. If someone really loves you and is willing to change for the better, then it is good news. But when it is not a happy ending, then there is not much that you can do but there is always a spark of hope that in another timeline, it will be a happy ending. At the end of the day, everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses right?

 

p.s. You might wanna check out John Gray’s Ted Talk “Mars brain, Venus brain..” (link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuM7ZS7nodk)